No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. Romans 8:37
I always imagine that everything good I have now will eventually be lost. Life has dealt out some pretty harsh blows on my life and I somehow always feel like something is just bound to happen that will turn my world upside down.
The trail of thinking often goes like this; “It’s too good to be true”, “why did I even try when I was going to fail anyway?”, “tragic things always happen to my loved ones and I”, “I will never amount to anything good”, “I am not worthy of love because my trust has been betrayed so often” and the cherry on top of this multilayered catastrophe- “Life is not fair. God is not just. Poor me, the whole world is out to get me”.
Sound familiar? This pattern of thinking often replays itself like a broken record in my head and I have seen its toxic impact in my life.
Symptoms of the Victim Mentality:
According to Scott Wilson, if you are stuck in the victim pattern of thinking you mainly experience the following feelings:
- You feel that you are all alone
- You feel powerless and stuck
- You feel sorry for yourself and believe life is not fair
- You hold grudges and do not easily forgive others
- You do not trust anyone
What is wrong with this pattern of thinking you may ask? After all, life isn’t fair and bad things happen to good people all the time, right?
The major problem with the victim mentality is that it removes responsibility from us and places the blame on our external circumstances and others. When we feel no sense of responsibility we see no escape out of the cycle.
This is usually illustrated in the victim triangle. At the top of the triangle is positioned the victim who pities themselves, feels helpless and blames others. These attributes make the victim powerless in relation to others. Their thinking is disempowering and makes them more vulnerable to abuse and dysfunctionality.
Steps you can begin to take to overcome the victim mentality
I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33.
The word of God reminds us that Christ has overcome on our behalf. The first way to beat feeling stuck and helpless is to focus your mind on the victory God has already attained for you.
Your life is already ordered for success and victory because God has a special purpose and plan for you. You need to keep this in mind always.
Secondly, we are told to take heart despite our difficulties. This means we need to make the daily choice to look beyond the chaos that is visible to us and make deliberate efforts to choose to see the world in a positive light. Choose to be a victor and not a victim.
A victor mentality testifies of God’s power. That we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength no matter who we are or what our circumstances may be (Philippians 3:14). Spiritual power can only be a reality in our lives when we allow God to transform our thinking from negativity to hope.
The power to overcome begins with our willingness and is only possible through God’s strength.
When we assume the position of a victor we align ourselves with God’s promises and His will for our lives.
The victor mentality is one of empowerment, assuming personal responsibility and always looking to see how we could do better in our overall well being.
We don’t pity ourselves for the situations of hardship we find ourselves in, but we see hardship as an opportunity to have our characters refined for the greater blessings that God has in store for us.
We see failure as an opportunity to learn a lesson which we can teach to those who will someday be in the same situation as us.
When we see ourselves as victors and not as victims, we begin to set clear boundaries to protect ourselves from danger and abuse.