I haven’t had many good examples for relationships.I have seen divorce twice in my lifetime thus far but have witnessed it many more times in the worlds of others.I’ve always been a romantic and for as long as I remember I’ve always wanted to get married to the person I fell in love with. I didn’t have these dreams because I had witnessed a lot of good relationships but for some reason, I have always believed in love.Even until my dad died, he didn’t seem to be able to hold down a relationship for long. He had many girlfriends over the years and married two of them.
I vowed to never be like him. I wanted to be different. A better man.
Growing up with females really helped a lot but there was still a lot I had to learn on my own. I went into every relationship with all my heart but for some reason they just never worked out. I started to feel like my dads shadow was haunting me, that no-matter what I did and no-matter how I loved I would end up like him.
I learnt to love my dad, and by the time he died I am grateful that I had made peace with him in my heart.
I do feel, at least emotionally, I am a better man. I have been the best man I could be most of the time but not perfect. I would like to believe I have been an honest and wholly loving man, for the most part, what people would call a good boy.
But then life happened and I slowly stopped believing in love or in the rewards of being a good man. I made a few stupid mistakes as a result.
Others came. I thought they were all “the one”. I hurt hard in one, it felt like death, I mean it was, the old me died. The other attempts I made were a result of my brokenness. Well, I wouldn’t say I got into a proper relationship after the last one I was in but I hope you get the point- I attempted much.
I really tried to get back into the mix of things but God just kept blocking things. With each block, I grew more weary and more disappointed. I then gave up. This led me to letting go and the moment I let go, God stepped in and she came into my life.
I believe in love. There is always hope when it comes to love. You just have to hang in there.
There will come a time in your life when someone will walk into your world and make sense of all the things that never worked out.
Nothing else will matter. Your past will fade away. It won’t have power over you anymore. That person will love you so much it will become a new language that you’ve never heard but one you learn eagerly every day.
I won’t lie and say I am not afraid. Gosh, I am. I mean I wouldn’t have taken this leap if the Universe hadn’t pushed me into it. If He didn’t, I would’ve had stayed trapped in my past. With the way God was blocking things if I wasn’t meant to be with her now, it just wouldn’t have worked.
For the first time in my life I am creating my own happiness and writing my own story (well, we are).
I only have today, right now, and that is all I can speak about. I don’t know what tomorrow looks like. But because I do not know what tomorrow looks like I won’t fear to make the most out of today.
I hope you find the courage to write your own story and make your own happiness with the today you have- whatever that happiness looks like…